Sometimes
by LeeT911
Summary: Far from Everwood, Laynie reflects on the past that was and the past that could have been.


Sometimes

_Everwood_ fanfiction by LeeT911  (LeeT911@hotmail.com)

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Sometimes, I don't know why I even bother.

I mean, he was perfect.  He was everything I was looking for.  I guess it makes sense that he would be hopelessly in love with someone else.  Because that's how life works, as far as I can tell.  And the worst part is, I wouldn't even mind if it hadn't been so close.

It's not the first time I've liked someone I couldn't have.  It's just that, for once, I feel as though I could have had a real chance...  If it wasn't for her.  It's just that, for the first time, there was someone in my life who saw me as a real person and not only as Colin's sister.

They say it's not easy being the hero.  Try being the hero's baby sister.  I hate it.  People only pay attention to me because of my relation to Colin.  I remember meeting people whose first words to me were always, "So you're Colin Hart's sister?".  And that was invariably followed by, "How is your brother?".  It sickens me.  It's as though I don't exist.  As if I'm not important enough for anyone's attention.  Not even my parents.  Their first response to Colin's injury was to send me away.  At least it wasn't completely insane.  I'd been wanting to get out of there for years.

In Everwood, it was so hard for me to make friends.  People only wanted to know me so they could be close to Colin.  No one ever cared about me.  Colin's friends were my friends, even if only by association, but it wasn't enough for me.  That's not what I wanted.  I wanted a real friend, someone I could talk to, someone who didn't give a damn about my superstar basketball player of a brother.

At St-Margaret's, I could have that.  A whole school filled with people who had never heard of Colin Hart, or of the Miners, or even of Everwood.  I could start all over, and it would be fine.  I could forget all about the stupid life I'd left behind, and try to be a normal girl.

But then, Colin got better.  The miracle worker Doctor Andrew Brown had decided to call Everwood his home.  And to top it all off, he thought he could help by saving the town's hero.  There's nothing wrong with that.  In fact, his reasons seem pretty noble.   If nothing else, I have to respect the man.  And he helped Colin.  Maybe he didn't heal Colin completely, but he helped.  And although Colin wasn't my most favourite person in the world, it was good that he was getting well.  Doctor Brown had become Everwood's new hero.  It's just too bad he'd brought his fifteen year old son along for the ride.

Ephram didn't like Everwood.  In fact, he probably hated it almost as much as I did.  He was everything that Everwood was not.  His purple hair and dark clothes screamed inner-city child.  In New York, he was just another boy.  In Everwood, he was the teenage rebel.  The people didn't like him, and he didn't like them.  He was different.  Only problem was, Amy thought that was a good reason to try and befriend him.  Well, she did more than that.

I wish I could be angry at her.  I wish I could accuse her of taking away the one chance I had.  But all I have is this empty jealous feeling.  Still, it's not like she did anything wrong.  She never did anything but stand by Colin the whole time.  She never gave up on him, and I guess that in itself is worth something.  But the part that really hurts, is that Ephram never gave up on her.  Even if she was totally wrapped up in her comatose boyfriend.

I remember feeling the warmth of his hand pull away at the sight of Amy rounding the corner.  I remember the unquestioning devotion he held for her well-being.  I remember the way he genuinely tried to please me, even if only to forget the other girl that held his heart.  In a way, I don't really blame him.  I can't say he didn't try.  And after seeing how much he cared for her, I can't make myself stand in the way of that.  Not that I'd have a chance.

So I left again.  I ran away.  Back to boarding school, where life wasn't really any better, but at least it was different.  Here, I didn't have to think about Amy, who was too blind to see what was right in front of her.  I didn't have to think about Colin, who was still sick but wouldn't admit it.  Here, I wouldn't have to think about Ephram, but I thought about him all the time anyway, losing precious hours of my life to loneliness and despair.  I wondered how he was doing, or what he was doing.  I wondered if I would ever get another chance.

It's not supposed to be like this.  It's not supposed to matter, it's not supposed to mean anything.  I mean, we only had two dates.  But still...  I guess I just wanted someone to love me the way he loved Amy.  I wanted someone who cared for me enough to sacrifice their own happiness for mine.  In retrospect, it seems kind of selfish.

So I sit here, reading _The Miracle of Everwood_, and dreaming about hope.  I'm sure this article has probably touched millions across the nation, but I really don't care.  I can't see the love story in this.  I can't see the medical miracle behind this.  All I can think of is that, maybe... maybe I still have a chance.  But that would involve going home, and I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.  Life shouldn't be this complicated, not at my age.

Sometimes, I close my eyes and wish that the world would just go away. 

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End file.
